By Military Women
Question: Is it okay to not be okay?
Answer: The short answer is…yes. It is okay to not be okay.
Before March 2020 most of us had never heard of “coronavirus”. We have quickly learned that although everyone is at risk from the virus, the impacts from it can be quite varied.
Some of us have stood by helplessly as friends and family members have fallen ill, and distancing restrictions have kept us away from a loved one’s bedside or even their funeral.
For others, coronavirus has meant the postponement of needed chemotherapy sessions or long awaited surgeries. For those newly diagnosed as pregnant, the pandemic adds a layer of fear of the unknown on top of what should have been sheer unadulterated joy.
We all empathise with our elderly neighbour’s indignation at their seemingly overnight loss of independence. Elderly parents, no longer able to babysit or visit, can quickly start to suffer from social isolation—too often followed by depression.
Regardless of how the virus is, or is not, impacting you – we can all agree that these are not normal times. Canada has passed the point of no return. There is no going “back to normal”, things are going to be different. Be that good or bad, change and uncertainty are always stressful. It really is okay to say, I’m not okay today.
We know women are experiencing these phenomena differently than men. Women are still disproportionately fulfilling the role of caregiver for others. School closings have meant younger children are now home all day—needing to be fed, entertained and homeschooled. Many women are either unable to return to paid labour because of their increased parenting and caregiving work at home; or, they are continuing their parenting and caregiving roles at home in addition to their work as “tele-workers”. Women are also known to be bearing the brunt of the ever-increasing rates of intimate partner violence.
It’s been a tough few months in other ways as well. Canada’s worst mass murder spree was initiated by intimate partner violence. That horrific event resulting in the first of three rapid sequence workplace deaths of Canadian women in uniform (RCMP and military). We’ve all been further shaken by the shocking deaths of people of colour, women and men, on both sides of the border.
And what about women veterans? Is it true women veterans are so self-reliant that they find it harder than civilian women to ask for help, especially for themselves? Do some woman veterans still think that “sucking it up” and suffering in silence is a badge of honour? Do some women veterans stay busy, taking care of everyone else, so they don’t have time to self-reflect about their own needs and feelings? It really is okay to say – I’m not okay today. It’s okay to be sad today, or angry. It’s even okay to cry. Acknowledging our own emotions comes from a place of strength, not weakness.
Most of us have been jarred out of our normal daily routines. Why not take this surreal moment in time to just stop. Breathe. Reflect. Reassess. Let’s focus our minds not just on the challenges, but also on the opportunities. Let’s start the lessons learned discussions in our families, communities, cities, provinces, and nation. How can we build back better? How can we ensure tomorrow’s Canada and world are more equitable for all? We really are stronger together.
Let’s also reach out to that friend, neighbour, or battle buddy we haven’t talked to for a while. Let’s start having more authentic and meaningful conversations with the people we interact with. When people ask, let’s tell them how we really feel. On days we are struggling, let’s remember Dr. Bonnie Henry’s healing mantra: “Be calm. Be kind. Be safe.” And on those days when we are not okay, let’s give ourselves permission to say “I’m not okay today”.
